Comments on: My Bookshelf: The Optimistic Child http://katiebonn.com/2010/03/08/my-bookshelf-the-optimistic-child/ A whole lot of insignificant prattle Sat, 19 May 2012 03:19:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sadie http://katiebonn.com/2010/03/08/my-bookshelf-the-optimistic-child/comment-page-1/#comment-141587 Sadie Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:59:33 +0000 http://katiebonn.com/?p=253#comment-141587 <p>My mom had/has a really bad habit of constantly putting herself down. Saying things like "oh, I'm so terrible at mechanical things" or "oh, I have a terrible sense of direction" or "oh, my cookies always come out overdone," deferring to other people as having superior knowledge or skills in almost everything, etc. As I'm getting older I'm realizing how much of an effect that kind of continual self-deprecation (even about things that seem so menial, but are constant) has had on me and my own self-esteem. I guess I'm saying that I second Lucy's advice about making a point of praising yourself in front of your kids. Not only will it hopefully contribute to a respect for all the things their mom is good at, but also sets an example of self-confidence.</p> My mom had/has a really bad habit of constantly putting herself down. Saying things like “oh, I’m so terrible at mechanical things” or “oh, I have a terrible sense of direction” or “oh, my cookies always come out overdone,” deferring to other people as having superior knowledge or skills in almost everything, etc. As I’m getting older I’m realizing how much of an effect that kind of continual self-deprecation (even about things that seem so menial, but are constant) has had on me and my own self-esteem. I guess I’m saying that I second Lucy’s advice about making a point of praising yourself in front of your kids. Not only will it hopefully contribute to a respect for all the things their mom is good at, but also sets an example of self-confidence.

]]> By: Raina http://katiebonn.com/2010/03/08/my-bookshelf-the-optimistic-child/comment-page-1/#comment-141586 Raina Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:44:08 +0000 http://katiebonn.com/?p=253#comment-141586 <p>This is something I think about often for the same reasons you do. I've realized that, for one, I'm not as abnormal as I sometimes feel and while not perfect I think I will do well as a mother. From what I know of you, you will do well. You have insight and continually try hard to improve yourself. My mother was crazier than you (trust me) but she taught me that, which was very valuable for me in my adulthood. If I hadn't been sick for so long without knowing what was wrong I think I would have turned out really well despite going through divorce and other things in my childhood which are not always as horrifying for the child as they lead you to believe. Having a child spend time with many responsible adults to socialize with will lesson the pressure on the parents for being the only good role model, I would think. It's good to see different but successful ways of dealing with things. </p> <p>Sounds like good advice in the book. Not that I have any practical experience.</p> This is something I think about often for the same reasons you do. I’ve realized that, for one, I’m not as abnormal as I sometimes feel and while not perfect I think I will do well as a mother. From what I know of you, you will do well. You have insight and continually try hard to improve yourself. My mother was crazier than you (trust me) but she taught me that, which was very valuable for me in my adulthood. If I hadn’t been sick for so long without knowing what was wrong I think I would have turned out really well despite going through divorce and other things in my childhood which are not always as horrifying for the child as they lead you to believe. Having a child spend time with many responsible adults to socialize with will lesson the pressure on the parents for being the only good role model, I would think. It’s good to see different but successful ways of dealing with things.

Sounds like good advice in the book. Not that I have any practical experience.

]]> By: Lucy http://katiebonn.com/2010/03/08/my-bookshelf-the-optimistic-child/comment-page-1/#comment-141585 Lucy Tue, 09 Mar 2010 06:31:16 +0000 http://katiebonn.com/?p=253#comment-141585 <p>I remember hearing once that you should say good things about yourself in front of your children. We usually spend so much time talking about when we mess up and kids can pick up on that. I make sure I tell the kids when I'm doing a good job or just what I did that I'm proud of. It makes a lot of sense. Modeling positive self-talk means that your kids will most likely do it too. </p> <p>And I do see my both my good and bad habits rubbing off on my kids. Actually just the other day, J was really crabby and didn't want to go out for dinner, but i didn't feel like cooking. My first reaction was just to yell at him to stop whining and get ready to go. I was able to stop myself and ask him why he was so crabby. He took a sec to calm down too and told me he just needed a couple minutes to himself. He sat in his room and was ready to go soon afterward. So, your reaction definitely affects how your kids will behave. I'm probably able to catch myself before yelling only about half of the time, but it makes a real difference when I do.</p> I remember hearing once that you should say good things about yourself in front of your children. We usually spend so much time talking about when we mess up and kids can pick up on that. I make sure I tell the kids when I’m doing a good job or just what I did that I’m proud of. It makes a lot of sense. Modeling positive self-talk means that your kids will most likely do it too.

And I do see my both my good and bad habits rubbing off on my kids. Actually just the other day, J was really crabby and didn’t want to go out for dinner, but i didn’t feel like cooking. My first reaction was just to yell at him to stop whining and get ready to go. I was able to stop myself and ask him why he was so crabby. He took a sec to calm down too and told me he just needed a couple minutes to himself. He sat in his room and was ready to go soon afterward. So, your reaction definitely affects how your kids will behave. I’m probably able to catch myself before yelling only about half of the time, but it makes a real difference when I do.

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