A Little Bit of Wisdom

One of the best things you can do for yourself is admit when you need help. Even an expert can use some kind of help at some point. I do not claim to be an expert writer, but it can be difficult to ask for help because it feels like denying an aspect of my personality. I have been labeled as many things and have explored many paths, but have most frequently been a writer. It is the underlying theme in everything I do. So it often gives my stomach a pinch when someone tries to lecture me on the basics, asks me if I am published, or questions whether I make money (as though these create some sort of legitimacy). I have to remember that progress does not come out of arrogance just as it does not come out of insecurity.

Someone once told me that sometimes you have to go backwards in order to move forward. It is true. I needed a refresher. I have what sometimes seems like an innate ability to write, but do I know how to tell a story that will keep a reader reading? Do I know how to use words to make a reader feel how I want him or her to feel? more…

As I mentioned in my last post about meditative writing, I often do writing exercises to get myself started. Following is a bit of freeform writing I did months ago that is unlike what I normally write, but it is interesting for me to read something that is in a voice so unlike me and a style that I hadn’t consciously thought to try. I’ve edited it slightly for clarity, but it is mostly a raw piece straight out of my silly brain.

Sleepy Kitty looks at Bunny with drowsy eyes refusing to lift his chin. She stops a couple feet in front of him and eyes him sideways, suddenly popping into the air she shifts directions in an instant and is off running full tilt away from Kitty, but she stops just as suddenly halfway down the hallway when she realizes he hasn’t taken up the chase. Kitty is bored with this game and needs a nap. Likewise, Bunny is bored with Kitty. What fun is it to sleep all day? Bunny hardly ever sleeps. All her energy comes quickly from eating and eating more and more still and pooping out pellets like a conveyer belt from her mouth to the rear. more…

When I sit down to write and I’m having a hard time getting started I follow a common writing exercise. I time myself and write for twenty minutes about anything, paying no attention to grammar, sentence structure or spelling. It always gets me writing, without fail, but when I relax and really get into it is when it begins to feel like meditating. more…

I’ve decided that I’m missing a certain passion in my writing because I’m afraid to write about those things that make me feel passionate. It is a scary feeling, the feeling of passion and I don’t like feeling out of control. I wish I could go back to relinquishing control once in a while. I have built such a fortress of acceptable behavior around myself that I’m not sure when it’s ok to act out. Acting out in writing is probably ok, but even after years of therapy and over one year of weekly therapy specifically focused on recognizing my emotions and letting myself feel them, I am still afraid of them and afraid to let myself act as though I feel.

One of the writing exercises mentioned at the Foothill College writing conference I went to this past summer is to list the things I am passionate about, choose something from the list and write on that topic. I will incorporate this into my therapy by adding my own important requirement, reflection. more…

Written Tuesday, September 15:

I did it! I popped the proverbial cork in my cervix, nourished a healthy nesting ground for a welcome parasite and said, “go to town, little dude”. I couldn’t wait to get to the drugstore after my last entry. Good thing I biked there – it helped with the anxious shakes. I had a $10 off coupon to go towards a $20 purchase so I took an unnecessarily long time shopping. more…

Written Monday, September 14th:

28th day of my cycle. The day I’ve been waiting for. “It” is not here yet, but it could come at any moment. Like waiting for someone you don’t like to show up at your door, knowing they’ll stick around for a week and make your life miserable. The only way to try to prevent their arrival is to have lots and lots of sex, relax, and hope for the best. Not bad, I guess. more…

As terrifying as it is I think it’s about time I start to share some of my writing. I’m hoping that if I put it out there I will be less afraid and that’ll encourage me to write more. To start I’ll share something I wrote on the fly rather than something I’ve been working on for a while, that way if no one likes it I don’t feel as devastated.

The following was what I wrote for a writing exercise at the Foothill College Writers’ Conference that I went to back in July. The exercise was simply to write about something I’m passionate about. I decided to tear through the fear and to do exactly what the exercise asked. I wrote about what I’m most passionate about despite being attacked for it in the past. The result was a stark naked emotional piece that I wrote without hesitation or fear of attack. I wish I could write like that more often. Please, be gentle… more…

For almost two years now, since we’ve moved out to the Bay Area and I’ve experienced my first long stretch without a job since my freshman year of college, I’ve been planning to write about working in the home. There are a lot of stereotypes and misconceptions associated with the kind of work I do that I’d love to address, but realistically they can’t all be discussed in one blog post. I’ll start with this one, “what do you do all day?”. more…

That’s right! My contract at Yahoo ended last month so I’m back to working at home and spending most of my time working on my book. So far it has been going great. The therapy for the past year has definitely paid off. I’m finding myself armed with techniques to stave off the anxiety that leads to procrastination, pain and avoidance. I’ve also been reading Writing Down the Bones, which has been providing me with reminders to deal with my fear (even the best writers write a lot of crap!), motivation, and understanding.

But I’m being too abstract! more…

Dave and I had a wonderful flight to Denver and then a somewhat wonderful flight (we’re still alive!) from there to Albuquerque, NM, despite the fact that we were quite exhausted from waking at 4:30am-mainly to feed the cats (they’re so demanding!). Dave, being able to sleep just about anywhere, was quite happy with the 2 degree incline of his seat back and proceeded to drift into a refreshing nap. I, on the other hand, resigned to being satisfied with closing my eyes and wishing steadily for a moment of rest and frequently being enlightened with thoughts that I absolutely had to wake Dave to share with him. Mwahahahahaha!

Upon arrival in ABQ we caught our shuttle and made fast for our rental car. After arguing with who was quite possibly the most irritating customer service rep we gave up on our coupon for a free upgrade and decided to go with the economy size. Soon after, we were given, without requesting it I might add, a DOUBLE upgrade from the nice man outside and quickly chose our Olds Alero.

I, being the only individual in our party of car rental age was blessed with driving around ABQ all day, which would have been quite pleasant if not for the pouring rain that began soon before rush hour. Being that we were in a desert town we were in for quite a treat. more…