I’ve made a decision. I’m going to stop trying so hard to be your friend. I don’t know if it has to do with living in CA for five years now and having to make so many new friends, or having a kid, which has left me with less time for friends, or the years of therapy that have finally built up my resilience, but I’m ready to stop trying to be friends with everyone. Continue reading
Last week was an interesting experiment in getting to know myself and my social needs. Both of my good friends from work were out of town and I suddenly found myself feeling alone at work. Of course, I wasn’t really alone, but socially it felt that way. There were plenty of other folks with whom I could have spoken, taken a coffee break, or had lunch, but it wasn’t as easy or comfortable as just hanging out with friends who wouldn’t be surprised if I asked them to join me for coffee.
I wasn’t too worried because I knew that Neelmani, specifically, would only be gone for a little over a week. I didn’t seem to mind having lunch alone at my desk or grabbing coffee without a friend, but slowly I started to notice that I was bored. Understandable right?
Keep in mind that when I use the word “bored” I don’t just mean that I wanted to do something fun. I mean that nothing seemed fun. Nothing interested me. I found I couldn’t get myself to stay at work as long as usual, but then when I went home I didn’t want to do anything there neither. I just lied in bed and tried to think of something that would brighten up my weary mind.
I looked outside at the rain and thought, “even the sky is gray, just like my mind” and then it hit me. I was depressed. Continue reading