Yesterday I posted about outside pressure placed on women to have children and the difficulties encountered when deciding whether to have them or not. Today I will explain why I’m writing about women choosing not to have children while I’m currently pregnant.
Why am I writing this after I chose in favor of babies? For two simple reasons: to deal with my feminist guilt and to tell the I-told-you-soers to put a cork in it. It was a hard decision and I know that I led many people to believe that I was against it, but I mainly just wanted to be left alone. I don’t mean to say that one shouldn’t ask a couple if they plan to have kids, but if they say “no” or “we’re not sure”, just leave it at that. Condescendingly lecturing them that they definitely will want kids one day “when they’re all growed up” is rude.
You know what? I don’t like kids much. There, I said it. I’m not comfortable nor incredibly talented with other people’s children, but who cares? I’ll absolutely love my own and I have no doubts that I’m going to be an incredible parent, but I’m just not going to be opening up a day care center anytime soon. I’m also fully aware that Dave and I are going to give up a lot to be parents, but now we’re ok with that because the two of us decided together after ignoring outside pressure.
So to all those out there thinking to themselves, “I told you so”. You’re right, you did say we’d want kids one day (something we were pretty sure of ourselves, but not sure enough to share with anyone) and now we do. Go pat yourselves on the back. You’re, like, psychic or something. You should open one of those shops with crystal balls in the windows. But next time someone tells you they don’t or might not want kids, take my advice and believe them or you might be in for a shock when you realize decades have passed without baby prospects. Especially if your own kids tell you this. You might want to get a puppy or something.
In addressing the other reason I wrote this, I’d like to apologize to all my female friends who definitely don’t want children. I’m sorry! I may have muddled the track record and become one more woman who appeared to be sure she didn’t want children only to change her mind. I confused those people who actually believe that all women love all babies and children because their ovaries tell them to. All because I was too cowardly to admit that maybe I could handle a stinky little attention-grabber and even give it a name or to simply tell people that I’d rather not talk about my choice regarding children.
I’m writing this for you because I believe you when you say you don’t want kids and if you change your mind, that’s ok too. You’re allowed to change your mind and it doesn’t mean you’re wishy-washy, fickle or flaky or too weak to resist hormones. It just makes you a normal person, making decisions based on what you want and what’s best for you, not based on what is expected from your gender.