I had started a post months back relating the things that I would not miss about being pregnant. I wasn’t able to finish the second half by the time Sidd was born and afterwards…well, for a while there I was lucky to find the time to eat and shower, not to mention sleep. Now that things have calmed down a bit (Sidd is two months old already!) I have bits of time here and there during which I can reflect on how great it is to be un-pregnant.

• Restricted sleep positions – I can now sleep in any position I want! Well, maybe not standing on my head or even sitting in a chair, for that matter, but I no longer have to avoid my back or belly.
• Puking in my mouth while sleeping – You know what’s gross? Puking in your mouth. You know what’s worse? Being woken from a deep restful sleep because you puked in your mouth. It’s pretty startling when you’re awake, but when you wake up in a dark room, unsure of where you are, to find yourself with the taste of bile on your tongue and a burning in your throat, it can be downright shocking.

  Think you’re gonna fall asleep soon after that? Good luck. If you’re like me, you’ll lie awake terrified that if you fall asleep you’ll be awoken again by a giant gulp of burning vomit. Waking up can often make me crabby in itself, but to be catapulted instantly from dreamland to the hell of nasty tasting acid burning my throat on the way up and then back down again is a traumatic experience that left me afraid to sleep again.

• The pregnant waddle – For those of you who live in cold climates, this is very similar to the winter waddle that is required while walking on slippery surfaces. That is, if you don’t want to end up on your butt. Actually, the waddle didn’t really bother me all that much. It was the pain that encouraged me to waddle that was annoying.

  On either side of the uterus are round ligaments that help to keep the belly in place. Unfortunately, these ligaments are only accustomed to holding the weight of your belly before you were pregnant and they don’t strengthen as fast as your baby likes to grow.

  Imagine getting a tongue piercing with a weight on the end. Say, like the weight of a golf ball. Now, hang your tongue out of your mouth and wiggle your head back and forth. Does that feel nice? No? Hmmm…maybe you wouldn’t like being pregnant.

• Food restrictions – I already think about food too much. Am I getting enough of each vitamin and mineral? Am I getting too much of something? Which of these ingredients that I can’t pronounce is going to give me cancer or diabetes? While pregnant, that responsibility to do what’s right for our bodies now becomes a responsibility for a whole ‘nother human who can’t make those decisions. Considering all of the conflicting information out there and the potential of life-threatening diseases, it’s too much pressure!
• Being pregnant made me smug – See video above. 🙂

There you have it. It’s nice not to be pregnant anymore. But then again, sometimes when Sidd won’t stop crying, I think maybe it would be nice again. Just for a little while.