I wrote this post a while back and never posted it for some reason. Maybe I wasn’t in the mood to argue with folks who would inevitably disagree with me? Maybe I felt it was incomplete somehow? Or perhaps my perfectionism was getting in the way, as it often does, and I was sure I could improve it somehow.
Re-reading it today I realized that it’s an important opinion to express and I think I already clearly expressed how I feel in what I had previously written. So in the interest, once again, of keeping my perfectionism and subsequent procrastination at bay, I give you my opinion…
May 24
On the light rail today I overheard a man explaining his child support situation to a friend. He started by explaining that he has been paying child support for years. That’s good, I guess. The least he could do, really. But he then continued to complain about how crazy the mother of his child is for expecting him to dish out more after he came into an inheritance.
Really? Is that an unreasonable request? Is this woman somehow selfish for wanting as much for her child as possible?
I remember hearing about a woman years ago who was suing Mick Jagger for a large amount of child support. I felt as though this woman were portrayed as someone who was taking advantage of the situation in order to leach him of his hard-earned money. But isn’t there another perspective there?
When one has a child, it’s a natural impulse to want to provide the best life possible for him or her. The fact is, children of wealthier parents tend to have greater advantages. If one parent is wealthy, isn’t it reasonable to assume that their child will live a comfortable life?
I’m not suggesting wealthy parents need to buy their kids sports cars or a yacht or even to send them to private school. What I am suggesting is that it is not selfish of the parent raising the child to expect the parent who is only contributing fiscally to contribute according to his or her means.
Maybe the mother of this man’s child wanted part of his inheritance in order to move their child to a safer neighborhood. Maybe she wanted to be able to send him to summer camp once a year. Or heck, maybe she just wanted some back pay for the salary she never got for doing 100% of the job of raising their kid while daddy quite possibly only became involved when it was time to write a check.
I realize that I don’t know anything about this guy’s situation so my intention is not to judge him personally, but to express the frustration I feel when women are seen as opportunistic because they are seeking out the best life for their child. That seems like a fairly unselfish act to me and a natural biological compulsion.
What do you think?
A little bit of wisdom 
I agree with you. You may remember growing up that I lived with my mother in a shitty apartment and we were very poor. Well, guess what? My dad is quite wealthy. I’m pretty sure you had no idea. So while my mom and I were getting evicted out of an apartment every couple years because my mom could not afford to keep up with the rent, feed us and clothe us, my father was going on deep sea fishing excursions in Cabo, leasing luxurious vehicles, buying expensive gifts for his lady friends and the list goes on. I remember a couple times when we were in 5th grade, I was pulled out of class by the school nurse and questioned as to why I was about 10 lbs underweight. I felt like saying it was because my father is an asshole, but I just told her that I didn’t like eating. Men who complain about child support really make me angry.
Just because it’s not indictable doesn’t mean it’s not abuse, and just because you’re paying the bills doesn’t mean you’re being a parent.
Hmm… If I had an inheritance the first thing I would do is set as much as I could aside for my children. I can’t imagine any custodial parent (mother, father, or couple) wouldn’t share inheritance money with their children. That man is not a real parent if he even thinks about money as “his” rather than a way to take care of his children.
I think a lot of non-custodial parents just have no clue how much time, effort, and money it takes to raise a child because they have never done it. If every ncp had to take their child(ren) for several months at a time, they would realize how much it costs to have them in daycare, to buy shoes, clothes, school supplies, carseats, halloween costumes, books, soap, toilet paper, (lots of soap and toilet paper because they make potions out of them sometimes, or just dump it all in the bathtub for fun) utilities for all the laundry you have to wash… and furniture. Oh, did I mention food??? Or what if a parent actually wants their child to have fun once in a while?
I have no idea how much I spend on my children each year because I’ve never seen my money as “mine”. It always been money for my family. I can, however, tell you that their father has contributed less than $600 over the past calendar year, and he thinks that’s enough because it’s all the state has deemed he can afford.
Thank you. It is particularly sickening when the deadbeat is a Wall Street Banker who was responsible for the subprime losses and publicly lavishes his luxurious lifestyle and ‘new’ children in luxurious mansions, summer houses, ski lodges, with staff etc without any compassion for the child he abandoned. Somehow this ‘man’ sees his son of prior relationship as inferior and less deserving, his contribution the absolute legal minimum his expensive lawyers can contrive..and that had to be fought for tooth and nail like a hungry dog. This longterm abuse, is a form of domestic violence and should be indictable. Nor do I believe the IVF programme should be available for parents who haven’t properly taken care of existing children.