I’m feeling crappy today so this is an experiment in seeing if I can get a blog post out on a day when I am not feeling up to it, or doing anything for that matter.
I’m not sure why I’m feeling icky, sad, depressed, or whatever you call it, but I have a couple of ideas. One is that it’s so darn dreary today. It was warm and sunny the past few days so it’s surprising that one day like this can trigger such bad feelings, but it has happened before. Could just be that the crummy day is one ingredient in a cocktail of crappy mood.
The other is that I feel uncomfortable even sitting up straight in my office chair. It’s like when you lean against a railing right at the bottom of your rib cage for too long and the pressure on your ribs makes them sore. I’m assuming my torso is running out of space and either my uterus is pushing on my ribs or my uterus is pushing on all that other stuff in there and that stuff is pushing on my ribs. I’m not sure I can comfortably sit up much taller and I’ve still got three months to go.
I’m probably being fatalistic about it. It could just be something that feels bad today that my body will adjust to soon enough, but I keep thinking it’s just going to get worse.
Yesterday my doctor and I talked about accepting pain in order to avoid the anxiety that only makes the pain worse. The technique that finally made sense to me was to observe it, make note of it and accept it as something I cannot change, much like one would learn in meditation practice. I’ve been trying, but it’s a tough process that requires a lot of focus.
I had a cup of coffee, got something to eat, and looked over some funny old photos, many of which featured me looking very happy. I am feeling better now. Not sure if it came from acknowledging my unhappiness and letting it be, but I do feel better knowing that I didn’t wallow in it nor let it spiral further by being angry or feeling guilty that I was sad and hence being unproductive.
Who’s got tips for crawling out of gloominess and/or creating more space in a pregnant gut area?