Dave and I went out for our anniversary dinner last night (Tuesday) and I noticed that I was feeling pretty relaxed. I mean, granted, it’s a pretty relaxing activity, but I’ve been so wired lately, even when I’m sleeping, that it was a noticeable change.
At work I felt very restless and only started to feel better once I starting rapidly shaking my leg. Al taught me that doing that is supposed to be calming. I kept it up most of the time and it mostly worked, but I had to keep getting up from my desk about once an hour. It may hurt my productivity in the short-term, but overall I don’t think it’s that unusual to get up, stretch and take a little walk once an hour. And the restlessness, if I remember correctly, is just a normal part of my repertoire. It’s probably safe to say that I’m relatively back to normal.
When I was experiencing that awful panic attack the other night I did a Yahoo search for “how long does a panic attack last” because I felt as though I was going to be like that forever and I wondered at what point it would make sense to go to an emergency room. I found a panic and agoraphobia site that explained that they could last for seconds to hours. Hours?! I can’t even imagine how I could be capable of living through something that terrifying for hours.
Thinking back on it today I remembered something else I read on the same site. It mentioned that “when a panic attack hits you, it typically lasts for a few minutes. However, it can also leave you feeling jaded, scared, shocked and nervous. This can last for hours, perhaps even a few days.” I’m theorizing now that this is what I’ve been going through for the past couple days. I suspect the time I spent lounging around anxiety-ridden and frightened on Sunday was simply the aftershock of the panic attack. After all, it was horrible enough to rank up there as one of the most awful experiences of my life, right up there with the time I was vomiting during nearly the entire flight from Amsterdam to Mumbai.
It does make sense that it would make me a little gun shy about doing anything remotely stressful or going out in public. It also makes sense that I would have been wound up on Monday because I was noticeably terrified that I would have a panic attack at work, embarrassing myself and freaking everyone out. Making it through one day without that happening must have had a calming affect. Tomorrow I go back up to 20mg.